Nickerblog picture.

Picture on another bloggers site. nickerblog.com. Great site. He just can't edit photos. :) I am the photo nazi and it just makes me sad when people don't take the 3 minutes to do a little bit of tweaking to a photo to make it look right. I don't think the blue haze in the original brought out the true cuteness of Lucy. I have kids as well and I just can't help but help out a fellow blogger.

This is the updated picture that I worked on. Only took 2 minutes with Picasa. 

So much fun.

Why do we always make our lives so complicated? Why when we think we can't make it any worse we do?

Wicked dream this morning..

I dreamt that that I had a Japanese girlfriend that knew that I had a wife and was okay with it. My wife knew as well.  Then I was visited by my old cat... It was weird....

Follow your nose... what if your nose always points down?

What if your only direction is down? If all you can see is the same piece of dirt or pavement day after day? Do you go on or try to point somewhere different? I am feeling lost again. I can only find meaning in half of my day, the half with my family. The other half, which unfortunately takes up the biggest part of my day, is utterly boring to me. I cannot reliably get excited about what I have to do every day. I know this has to do with the ADD, but I cannot shake this feeling like I am wasting the day. I haven't lasted more than about 2 years at a single company. In the tech industry that isn't such a big deal, since most people don't. Most of the moves have been because I am just plain bored. I have learnt the product, or whatever I have to learn and now I just have to use the knowledge... boring!!! I need to be learning all the time. So you say, 'Go back to school'. Unfortunately school ends up being worse than work. I need a new challenge all the time. With my kids, that part of it is not a problem... if they would only sleep through the night.

Meds.

I sure can tell if I don't take my meds at the usual time. Takes longer to get going in the morning. Makes me want to write here. I just don't feel like doing anything... Now it is 2 hours after I got to work and still nothing of substance. sucks. ahhh. Hmm, ahh. ohoo..

Ouch.

Society is a gun. Don't point it at yourself. Society is a disease. Wash your hands frequently.

hmmm?

A pondering title. I think most of my life is in a pondering state. Kind of walking around, directionless, doing as I am told, being reprimanded like a child if I make my own decisions. I have no real goals, other than to make money, spend time with my family and make it to tomorrow. That sounds very gloomy but it isn't. Nothing dark there, just a feeling of "whatever". (Me speak good English. ) I am not sure what motivates me. Sure the usual short term goals do; money, sex, excitement, a little danger, those kinds of things. These things can only motivate me when they are right within reach. If the goal is farther off than say a month, it cannot provide any push for me.

This lack of motivation may be one of the "joys" of inattentive ADD, or it just might be me. The new drugs are good. I can do my daily work, (except when I am posting here ;) But I still don't feel motivated. Do I have to get used to the feeling? Do I not know what it is? Do I have to fake it for a while to get used to it? Is it like sex where if you are not aroused, but the act of doing arousing acts will make you horney? All questions only I can answer.

Fun with friends

We met with some friends again. They have reiterated that they would like to get together again to "play". We have played before but we had to take a vacation from it for a while. Too much was going on and we had to stop. We want to play again and so do they. We will probably get back into it within the next year in small steps.

Just the thought of being with them is intriguing again. They visited us yesterday and we started talking about sex and swinging. She, lets call her Emmy, sounds like she is much more comfortable with her body now. Before when we played, Emmy had issues with her body and how she looked. My wife and I are not Hollywood perfect by any means and we are very accepting. Emmy and her man(TJ) were having "problems" but as far as I can tell they have worked things our and are more secure in their relationship. Emmy has also put on a bit of weight which is fine to everyone else concern... she has huge knockers now. :) She likes them too. Hmm, boobies.

That night we had some of the best sex we have had in over a year. Been quite pathetic lately in general. We are getting better, everything is getting better. Everything on the up swing.

My wife(Honey) is also curious about TJ. Since the last time we played he got a PA piercing. Honey doesn't want me to get a PA, (I hope you don't Honey) but she wants to know how it feels.

It is going to be very interesting in the coming months/years...

The joys of legal stimulants

I am liking this new stuff. There is no rush, there is no crash at the end. Very smooth, very clean. Not harsh at all. I have motivation and energy into the evening, the days don't seem to overwhelm me. I have only been taking it for a few days now, but I like it so far. Except for the good case of the runs that it gives. I may(am) be lactose intollerant and of course all these meds have lactose in them. We will see if it steadies itself out over the next little while. I am also taking acidophilus that should help a bit.

The joys of being unmedicated

I am really looking forward to trying something new this afternoon. The last stuff I was on was pretty bad. Cranky, digestive issues, sexual side effects. All not good. But my productivity increased, got better sleep. Basically body sucked, mind better. I have been off the last stuf for about a month now. Good and bad are back to "normal".

blarg

I feel like crap. I am trying to deal with my ADD/ADHD/ABCDEFG. I get so frustrated with myself. I can focus on things for a long time... but only if they only really interest me. This includes all the things that DON'T need to be done. I want to be able to concentrate on these mundane tasks. It is just painful. Compound this with some social anxiety, three kids, two cats a long commute, and general life, and you get an idea of the chaos that is inside me.

Going to try some new drugs. Hopefully they will help settle down the mess in my head.

This is awesome. Hate to crash this.

Model F-14

Have you ever wondered...

Have you ever wondered why guys have nipples? No? Me either.

Crap I guess this is the beginning.

This is the start of something beautiful. Either that or it is time to increase my medication.